Finally as promised – post about on of my solutions – how to deal with heavy/bad situations?
First, let me clarify that I am just sharing with you some of the approaches I use or I have used in the past. And of course you have and will be using yours. So, I will be more than glad to read and learn from you.
But here is the deal. Bad/sad/heavy/problematic situations happen to all of us and may be even every day. If this would be a scientific paper first of all I would have to define what I mean by “heavy/bad” and “situations” and “to deal”. But I am happy that this is not the case of looking for proofs and the only right way to approach the problem.
So therefore here are just some points and ideas on how I would do it:
– With time passing by I have realized that the best way to deal with something difficult is of course – the time. Even if the saying that “time cures all the wounds” might sound primitive it is indeed working and you all know that.
– The second quite opposite way – is to face the problems/dramas/losses as they come – to live them – kind of really be inside the whole deal and not to try to cover or forget or not to think about it.
Being inside might involve – to look for solutions right away – and the most important is then to have the whole picture – as many elements as possible gathered in front of you. And then to analyze everything – the facts, the observations, the feelings etc. and if possible to talk with somebody about it… talking is not necessarily looking for advise, but more like a sounding board option.
Of course the person you would use (not a really nice word, but I cannot find better one right now) must be “the Master” of listening. It is true that it is not easy to find somebody like that. You could for that purpose go to therapist (involves reasonable amount of funds) or record yourself talking or even better just write the whole rubbish down on a piece of paper. Preferably some nice and “welcoming” notebook or the most fancy letter paper and using your favorite pen or pencil (this just to make you feel better with this difficult task at hand).
– Once the facts are on the table, it is much easier to see the situation as if from a distance. I even try to look at the facts and see the funny side or better yet ironic side if the case is related to some problems at work, or with how other people react to what I do. It really helps – from feeling like crying and being desperate and sorry for yourself – most of the times I turn to having a good laugh and even imagining how the whole situation might look in a movie script format. It helps. Believe me. Especially the laughing bit.
– And then if there is nothing you can do about the situation to change it or solve it or improve it – then there is nothing you can do – and the next most difficult step is to “put a lid on it” and really do nothing.
– If it turns out that while having fun you think of something that might be done, write it down – all of the craziest ideas – from “let’s send him/or her a nasty e-mail and tell him/or her everything that I think about him/or her” to much easier one – “let’s just forget about him/or her” or even better one “let’s leave it be and come back and think about it tomorrow”. Writing down helps for those like me who have difficulty just sitting down and contemplating about things.
– So, when your are done with the list – either pick the best one of all the options and do it (still preferably next day) or keep the list – don’t do nothing, come back, check after some time and then decide whether you will be acting upon it or not. Just the fact that you have the list somewhere will calm you down in cases if the “bad situation” meant that you were really angry and ready to explode.
– Finally as I said – time in these cases is the best friend – and that of course is more likely to be the best solution. But nothing must be left suppressed deep down somewhere – no anger, no sadness, no feeling guilty, or betrayed or having lost something – all of these must come out – be faced and only then put away.
I hope this might help and you enjoyed reading it! Of course Sunday would not be the best day to do none of this but if you have to – then you have to – go for it! And remember to have fun if possible – not to cover up anything – get the facts together – see what action take or not to take – and then put a lid on the whole deal and start enjoying your day! I hope the sun is out because as I was writing here before – the sun helps to feel better no matter what!
With greetings SMSB